This past spring I gave a talk to my youth group about trust. I spoke to them about my challenges with trust and how I daily work to trust God with my friends, my relationship with my-then-boyfriend, and my job. I shared with them that sometimes in my life I want to see the whole map: all the roads, the rest stops, the possible ways to get from here to there, every twist and turn, and even the detours that may lie ahead. I want to know it all. Lay it all out so I can plan! Unfortunately, trusting God doesn’t play out like that. More often than not, for me it is like being in fog. When I drive to work on foggy mornings, there are times when I can barely see the buildings on the sides of the roads, let alone the freeway signs that I know are coming up in half a mile. You know what I’m talking about here? Trusting God means that I walk through the fog, not being able to see what is more than a few steps in front of me, and forget about what is off to the sides. Gotta concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. I
don’t always (aka rarely) get to know what the plan is in advance. Hence: trust.
Also this past spring I initiated a nation-wide job search. Lance and I talked about it and agreed that if God saw fit to send me to Macon, GA where I didn’t know anyone and knew nothing about the city, then we would go. We would trust that God would provide community and take care of us. It was a little difficult to say because my friends and family are extremely important to me, but I think that deep down I didn’t really think that God would send me to Macon, GA. Y’all, God has not opened the door to Macon. He has, however, opened the door for me to go to Miami. I have recently signed paperwork to accept a job at Florida International University to work in student conduct in Miami, Florida. It might as well be Macon, GA. It is exciting and scary all at the same time. It is the densest fog I will have walked through in quite some time when all I desperately want is a map. But I am daily choosing to believe and trust that I will be provided for in every need that I have.
You should know that I hate trust falls. I hate them. HATE. Probably couldn’t pay me to do one in all honesty, even if every person who I trusted beyond measure was there to catch me. So while you may look at this picture and think “could it get any cheesier, Gibson??”, it isn’t like that. This really illustrates the challenge I have with trust sometimes and how hard it is for me to do it. This includes the good Lord who catches me every time I take a leap of trust with my heart pounding, feeling sick to my stomach, throat dry, and thinking, “still – really – even this time?” Even this time. Even in Miami. Even in the chaos of my life right now.
Everything right now is moving about a zillion miles a minute. As a result of the job, Lance and I have moved up our wedding date. I’m packing so my apartment is in disarray. I’m having to say goodbye to my friends and community who I’m used to seeing on a regular basis. My heart is in Austin and my roots are nine years deep. I’m wrapping up one job and starting another. But there is so much possibility in front of me… I can almost hear it whispering my name as the days go by and I get closer and closer. I am excited to explore a new city and to be married (EEEK!!) and to learn a new job. I am challenged by the process of continuing to trust God more in all of this, but every step of this process is designed and intentional. None of it is or was an accident. Y’all, trust is tough. But I show up every day to give it my best shot. And every day I feel met and blessed by what I find.
It takes a village to plan and execute a wedding and a move. I would be a hot mess without my village so thank you from the bottom of heart to each of you who has carried, is carrying, or will carry a part of my load between now and September 28. You are also showing me how to trust. Y’all rock my socks.
This song was a bit of a foundation for me in the last 6 months. Just thought I’d share it.
P.S. When I get settled, I promise my food blog will make a come-back. I have recipes for chicken teriyaki, pork chops, egg dishes, breakfast bars, and tidbits to share on canning. There is much to write on and share with y’all!